I took a break from crocheting on the blanket for a few weeks, while I finished up some other projects (including my Anna’s Shawl). It wasn’t intentional, per se, but often the fascination I have for a project ebbs and flows. Also, practically speaking, it’s been pretty hot around here as summer is still holding on strong, so since this blanket is now covering my entire lap, it can be a bit unbearable to work on during the day, thus slowing progress down.
I am reaching the point where I am ready to be done with this project. And I feel ready to move on in other ways too. My husband and I will be moving into a house next month that we will be renting closer to his new job, so I’ve been busy making preparations and packing up our stuff. I’ve gotten packing down to a system now, since this makes the third time in the last two years that I have moved, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t dread the process any less (in fact I probably dread it more). I’m ready to stay put in one place for a few years, so here’s hoping this will be our last move for awhile.
We are really excited to be able to move into a house (pictured above). It seems as though the last two months since the miscarriage everything around us has fallen into place the way we were hoping they would before we got pregnant. It’s bittersweet to realize that things would have worked out just fine despite the surprise pregnancy, but now we are just better prepared for the next one. Since everything else is ironing itself out, I have finally reached a point where I am not as fearful of the future as I have been the last few weeks. Yes, there will always be some fears, because now that I’ve experienced loss it will forever taint my perspective on pregnancy. But I trust that God knows what He is doing, and that He has great plans for us; He is always good, even when things seem bad. This can be a hard truth to accept in the midst of grief, but it comforts me to know that God is in control, and He has good things planned for us amidst the bad things that come our way.
As hard as it is to accept what happened, I realized that the miscarriage is just one more thing in my life that has made me stronger and more compassionate towards other hurting people. It has also made me realize how truly precious life is, and how quickly it ends. I want to celebrate my life, my husband’s and family’s life, and the lives of my future children for as long as I can, and I think part of that is not letting fear rule me.